How to Validate your Child's Emotions
Dinner needs to be made. Homework needs to get done. The house needs to be cleaned. You need to reply to work emails.
In the heat of the moment, it's easy to dismiss a child's emotions as overreactions or childish tantrums. It’s easy to dismiss them as “I’m too busy right now,” but it's important to remember that children experience and process emotions just like adults do. And their emotional landscape can be big and scary, since in many scenarios (depending on their age), they are navigating certain emotions for the first time.
When we validate our child’s emotions, we show them how they can healthily express themselves. Validating their emotions is how we help our child learn to regulate their emotions.
Validating a child's emotions means acknowledging and accepting their feelings (which doesn’t mean accepting their behavior, this is an important differentiation), which can help them develop healthy emotional regulation and self-awareness.
Here are some tips for validating a child's emotions:
Listen actively: When a child expresses their emotions, whether it's through words or behavior, listen to them without judgment or interruption. Show them that you are interested in hearing what they have to say by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and asking follow-up questions. This will help them feel heard and understood.
Label the emotion: Children may not always have the vocabulary to describe their emotions, so it can be helpful to label the emotions for them. For example, if a child is crying because they lost a toy, you might say, "I can see that you're feeling sad right now because you lost your toy." This not only helps the child understand and identify their emotions, but it also shows them that you are paying attention to their feelings.
Empathize with their perspective: When validating a child's emotions, it's important to try to see things from their point of view. This doesn't mean that you have to agree with their behavior or actions, but it does mean acknowledging that their feelings are real and valid. For example, if a child is angry because they can't have a second dessert, you might say, "I can understand why you're upset because you really wanted another dessert." That doesn’t mean you have to give them a second dessert, but saying this allows the child to feel seen and heard.
Offer support: After you've validated a child's emotions, offer them support and guidance. This might mean brainstorming solutions to a problem, offering a hug or physical comfort, or simply reminding them that you are there for them. Let them know that it's okay to feel their emotions and that you are there to help them navigate those emotions in a healthy way.
Model healthy emotional regulation: Finally, it's important to model healthy emotional regulation for children. This means acknowledging and expressing your own emotions in a constructive way, rather than suppressing or lashing out. Children learn a lot from watching the adults in their lives, so by modeling healthy emotional regulation, you can help them develop the same skills.
Validating a child's emotions is an important part of helping them develop healthy emotional regulation and self-awareness.
By listening actively, labeling emotions, empathizing with their perspective, offering support, and modeling healthy emotional regulation, you can help children feel heard and understood, and give them the tools they need to navigate their emotions in a healthy way.
Our children are the future. Giving them the tools they need to emotionally regulate is key to a fruitful and flourishing future.