How to Navigate the Deep, Complex, Messy Pain of Big & Little Traumas
That break up you just went through.
The time your pet died.
Maybe you’ve lost a job.
Or were bullied online.
That one time you felt rejected by a friend.
Or picked up your life and moved to a new town.
Maybe you started a new life in college.
These all qualify as traumas.
Let’s break it down.
A big T Trauma is when you feel helpless accompanied by physical pain. Think: you’re stuck in a hospital bed reeling from the pain of a cracked skull and you feel helpless. There is literally nothing you can do for yourself. You can’t feed or wash your body. There’s nothing you you can do to stop the pain or expedite the healing. You have to just sit in it. That’s a big T trauma.
But while not everything technically qualifies as a big T trauma, it can still be a traumatic experience and it can still be incredibly painful.
Anything that makes you feel distress, fear, or a sense of helplessness is considered a trauma. So if you’ve recently gone through a difficult transition or breakup, remember to give yourself love. Don’t write off your pain and struggle with “It’s just a first world problem” or “Ah, it’s not that big of a deal.” Because what you’re expriencing can still be incredibly painful and you maybe be experiencing deep hurt. The first step isn’t to ignore it or justify why it isn’t that bad. The first step is to acknowledge it. And then remember to take care of yourself:
Take Care of Your Body. Remember that you still need to take care of your physical needs. Are you getting enough sleep? Have you eaten today? Have you had enough water? Did you go on a walk or move your body? Did you connect with someone? Bring your attention to some of your most basic needs. It’s easy to forget about them when we are in pain.
Reduce Your Exposure to the Event. Was it a break up? Or maybe it was getting bullied online. Try to limit the time you spend online. Maybe it even means blocking your ex or getting rid of their clothes. Whatever it is try to distance yourself from things that remind you of the event.
Talk to someone. Talk to a caring friend or therapist about your experience. You are not alone, and while when something like this happens to us, it is easy to think we are the only one going through something like this. You are not the only one.
Stay Connected. It’s easy to hermit ourselves and disconnect from the people and hobbies that make us feel full of life. While time alone is good, try to commit to doing one thing that you love.
Make a Positive Move. Now is the time to focus on you. What is one thing you want for yourself? Take one small action toward that vision you have for yourself.
Get Back Into Your Routine. Try to remember the things you would do each day before the event or transition happened. Start small. Start with the actions that make you feel reentered. Maybe it’s taking a shower every morning. Maybe it’s running in the morning. Maybe it is waking up and making your favorite breakfast. It doesn’t have to be something huge.
Do Something Fun. Navigating your healing from trauma can feel all-consuming. Try doing one thing in the short-term to remind you about what you used to do for fun.
Do Something Relaxing. Whether it’s meditation, a yoga class, getting a massage, or running a bubble bath, do one thing that make you feel relaxed.
Prioritize your health. It’s so easy to start eating the “feel-good” food. Or binge on pizza. But try to remember to eat well-rounded meals. What we fuel our bodies with affect how we feel.