What to Expect During EMDR Therapy
Maybe you’ve heard of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) before. Honestly, it’s completely normal if you have no idea what it actually is like to be in an EMDR therapy session, or what to expect.
That’s why it makes complete sense that the idea of actually trying it could feel a little strange or intimidating. Many people have thoughts about what they’re supposed to do while their therapist is prompting eye movements, whether they’ll have to share every detail of something they’re working through, or what happens if they can’t access what they should be.
Maybe you’re interested in EMDR because something from your past still feels very present in your life, but the idea of sitting down and talking through the entire story is exactly what has kept you from therapy in the first place. That’s where understanding what truly happens during an EMDR session can help.
What to Expect During EMDR Therapy
One thing we really want people to know about EMDR is that the actual reprocessing part is only one piece of the therapy to help when you feel stuck. EMDR is commonly described through eight phases, beginning with learning about your history and what you want support with, followed by preparation before eventually working with specific memories or experiences. The process also includes checking in with what you notice in your thoughts, emotions, and body, then closing out sessions intentionally, and revisiting how things feel the next time you meet.
If you want the more detailed breakdown of that process, we have another guide on the stages of EMDR therapy. Here, we want to focus less on memorizing eight phase names and more on what it can actually feel like to experience them.
You’ll spend time getting comfortable before the deeper work starts
You shouldn’t walk into your first appointment and immediately be expected to pull up your most painful memory while someone starts moving their hand back and forth or prompting you to follow some sort of tapping or visual.
Early EMDR sessions give you and your therapist time to understand what’s bringing you in, what’s feeling difficult lately, what experiences may be connected to it, and what you hope could feel different. Your therapist will also explain how EMDR works with them specifically, answer questions you have, and help you build tools you can use if something feels intense during or between sessions.
That preparation may look different for everyone, but it could include talking about:
What brought you to therapy now
Certain experiences or memories that still feel emotionally charged
Situations in your life today that seem to bring up a stronger reaction than you expect
What helps you feel grounded when you’re upset
What tends to make you feel overwhelmed or shut down
Any concerns you have about trying EMDR
How you and your therapist will communicate if you want to pause or change direction
This part really matters because EMDR isn’t supposed to feel like someone is cracking open a memory and leaving you to deal with whatever comes out. The relationship with your therapist is still part of the experience, and you should be able to talk honestly about what feels comfortable, what doesn’t, and what you need along the way.
You don’t have to share every detail of what happened
This is one of the things that can make people especially curious about EMDR. Maybe there’s something you know you want help with, but the idea of retelling every detail makes you want to avoid the subject entirely (fair!). With EMDR, you do need enough communication with your therapist for the two of you to understand what you’re working on, but that doesn’t mean you necessarily have to describe disturbing memories in detail for the memory to be impactful for your individual healing journey.
You may talk about a particular memory or experience and then identify pieces connected to it, such as:
An image or moment that stands out
What you tend to believe about yourself when you think about it
What you wish you could believe instead
What emotions come up
Where you notice those feelings in your body
Maybe you remember the moment perfectly. Maybe you mostly remember a feeling. Maybe you know something affected you but have trouble explaining exactly why. You don’t need to package your story perfectly before bringing it into the room, and we don’t want you to focus so much on thinking about the “right” things that you can’t access how you’re really feeling in a moment.
Yes, there may be eye movements, tapping, or sounds
This is probably the part of EMDR you’ve heard the most about. There are a few different ways therapists may guide you through side-to-side eye movements that can support processing. Reprocessing a memory can happen through:
Side-to-side eye movements: Following your therapist’s fingers or hand as they move from one side to the other
Guided tapping: Alternating taps from left to right, sometimes on your knees, shoulders, hands, or feet
Alternating sounds: Listening to tones that move from one ear to the other, usually through headphones
A moving light: Following a light that travels back and forth across a light bar or similar device
This is called bilateral stimulation, and while the exact experience can vary, you’ll typically go through shorter sets and then pause to notice what’s coming up. You can also share if you have a preference on how it feels best for you to follow naturally without overthinking it. Your therapist might ask something simple like, “What are you noticing now?”
And your answer does not need to be profound or perfect in any way. It could be:
“I feel sad.”
“My shoulders feel tense.”
“I just remembered something else.”
“That image feels farther away now.”
“I’m angry.”
“Nothing really changed.”
“I have no idea.”
“This feels weird.”
All of those responses give your therapist somewhere to go from there. You can trust that they will take in anything you can share and guide the process, without you having to know what comes next. One thing people can overthink when they first try EMDR is whether they’re noticing the “right” thing, but you don’t need to force a realization or figure out where your mind is supposed to go next. Part of the process is noticing what naturally comes up and letting your therapist guide you through it.
You may notice memories, emotions, thoughts, or physical sensations
EMDR can feel different from a conversation where you and your therapist spend most of the hour talking back and forth. During parts of reprocessing, there may actually be stretches where you aren’t saying very much. You focus, follow the eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation, pause, notice what comes up, briefly tell your therapist, and then continue from there.
What you notice can change as the session moves along. For example, a memory may bring up another memory, an emotion can feel stronger before it starts to shift, or you may suddenly look at an old experience from a perspective you hadn’t considered before.
And sometimes what you notice is much less dramatic. You might simply realize that the image doesn’t feel quite as sharp anymore or that you can think about something without feeling the same tightness in your chest. You don’t need a movie-scene breakthrough for the session to be meaningful.
You’re allowed to stop
This feels especially important to say because people can hear “trauma therapy” and picture themselves having to push through something even after it becomes too much. That isn’t the goal at all.
During EMDR, you maintain full control and can signal your therapist to slow down, pause, or stop completely at any time. That feedback can actually support further conversations about what your body and mind need most.
You can say:
“Can we pause?”
“I need a minute.”
“I don’t want to keep going with this right now.”
“Something about this doesn’t feel right.”
“Can you explain what we’re doing again?”
Maybe you thought you were ready to work on something and realize that day that you’re not. Maybe your week has already taken everything out of you and you need something different from your session. Those are things you can talk about with your therapist.
EMDR may have structure, but therapy is still collaborative. The structure should support the work, not make you feel trapped inside of it.
What Does an EMDR Session Feel Like?
There probably isn’t one universal answer to this because people come into EMDR with different histories, personalities, comfort levels, and reasons for being there. Some sessions may feel emotional while others may feel surprisingly calm, and some might leave you thinking about something in a way you never have before.
You may notice:
Emotions coming up while you work with a memory
Physical sensations like tightness, heaviness, warmth, or tension
Different memories popping into your mind
A thought or belief beginning to feel less convincing
Something you understood logically starting to feel more believable emotionally
The memory still being there but not feeling quite as immediate
Very little changing during one particular set, which is something you can simply tell your therapist
There can also be sessions where you spend much more time talking, preparing, checking in, or deciding what makes sense to work on next. That’s one reason we don’t love the idea that EMDR is simply “the eye movement therapy.” There’s a whole therapeutic relationship and process wrapped around that one recognizable piece.
What Happens After an EMDR Session?
Don’t worry, you won’t be sent out the door while you’re still completely wrapped up in whatever you were just working through. Closure is actually one of the formal phases of EMDR. Your therapist helps you shift away from the memory work, use the grounding or calming strategies you’ve practiced, and talk about what you might notice between sessions.
You may feel different after different sessions. Maybe you feel lighter, maybe you’re tired, or maybe you keep thinking about what came up after you leave. You could also notice things between sessions like:
A memory coming to mind again
Dreams that feel connected to what you worked on
A new thought about the experience
Emotions feeling different when something reminds you of it
Something you want to bring back into your next session
You don’t need to obsessively monitor yourself afterward or analyze every thought. If you notice something that feels important, you can make a note of it and bring it back to your therapist. At the beginning of a future session, part of the EMDR process includes checking back in and seeing what has changed since the last time you worked together.
What If EMDR Feels Awkward at First?
The thing is, it might. You’re trying something you probably don’t do anywhere else in your life, so following your therapist’s fingers while thinking about a memory may not instantly feel like the most natural thing in the world.
You may wonder if you’re focusing hard enough, if your eyes are moving correctly, or if you’re giving your therapist the answers they’re expecting. Maybe you become so aware of yourself that for the first few minutes all you can think about is the fact that you’re doing EMDR. You can say that too.
There isn’t a secret performance your therapist is grading behind the scenes, and you don’t need to impress anyone with how quickly you connect the dots. Getting comfortable enough to be honest about what you are (and aren’t) experiencing can actually help your therapist understand how to support you.
How Long Does EMDR Take?
This is probably one of the hardest questions to answer before getting to know someone because EMDR is not a set number of appointments.
EMDRIA notes that a typical session may last around 60–90 minutes, while the overall length of treatment can depend on the person, what they’re working through, and how much preparation they need before or during reprocessing. Some people may work through a particular experience relatively quickly, while someone working through many connected or longstanding experiences may need more time.
And faster isn’t automatically better.
At The Flourishing Way, we also offer EMDR intensives, which create longer blocks of focused time for EMDR rather than only working within the window of a traditional weekly session. That can be worth exploring for some people, but the same idea still applies: the work should be shaped around the person sitting in the room rather than forcing everyone into the same timeline.
What If You’re Interested in EMDR but Still Nervous?
You’re allowed to be both. Maybe something about EMDR sounds promising because you’re tired of carrying the same reaction, memory, or belief around with you, but another part of you is wondering whether opening that door will make everything feel worse.
You can bring exactly that into the first conversation.
Ask the therapist how they use EMDR, what preparation usually looks like, what happens if you become overwhelmed, and how you’ll decide together when you’re ready to move into reprocessing. These are reasonable questions, and you should feel like there’s room to ask them.
You may also want to notice how you feel talking with the therapist themselves. Do you feel listened to? Can you tell them when you’re unsure about something? Do their explanations actually make sense to you, or do you leave feeling more confused? The EMDR process matters, but so does the person you’re doing it with.
You Don’t Need to Feel Completely Ready Before You Ask About EMDR
Sometimes people think they need to reach a place where they’re no longer nervous about a therapy before they can try it. You probably don’t. You may still have questions. You may be curious and skeptical at the same time, or feel ready to work on one experience while knowing there are other things you absolutely don’t want to touch yet.
That can all be part of the conversation, and you don’t have to be in a crisis to start therapy or take your mental health seriously.
At The Flourishing Way, EMDR isn’t about pushing you back into a difficult experience or asking you to tell your story in the most painful way possible. It’s a collaborative process where you and your therapist can talk about what you’re noticing, what feels manageable, what you’re not ready for, and what you would eventually like to feel different.
If EMDR has been sitting in the back of your mind and you keep wondering what it would actually be like, you don’t have to decide whether you’re ready for the entire process right now. You can start by asking the questions.