Why Do People Stay In Toxic Relationships?

According to recent studies, nearly 60% of Americans report having been in what they would consider a toxic relationship. That’s more than half of us. If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve either been there yourself or are watching someone you care about struggle to leave a relationship that seems to be causing more harm than good.

It might seem simple from the outside—“Why don’t they just leave?” But the truth is, leaving a toxic relationship isn’t always easy. In fact, for many people, it feels nearly impossible. Whether it’s due to fear, hope, guilt, or love, people stay for reasons that often make perfect sense in the moment, even if they lead to long-term pain.

In this post, we’ll explore why people stay in toxic relationships, how to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship, and what steps you can take to start walking away if you’re feeling trapped.

Why Do People Stay In Toxic Relationships?

Understanding this question can be the beginning of something life-changing—whether that means finding clarity in your own situation or better supporting someone you love.

By learning what a toxic relationship looks like, you can start to recognize the subtle (and not-so-subtle) signs. This post can also help you reflect on your experiences and explore how to break free from harmful dynamics. If you’ve been wondering whether your relationship is really “that bad,” read on.

How Do You Know If Your Relationship Is Toxic?

Toxic relationships come in many forms. Sometimes the signs are loud—physical abuse, screaming matches, constant accusations. Other times, they’re quiet—emotional neglect, passive aggression, manipulation masked as care.

Here are some signs of a toxic relationship that often get overlooked:

You Walk on Eggshells

If you’re constantly afraid of upsetting your partner or afraid of how they’ll react, it’s a sign that the relationship doesn’t feel safe. Healthy love doesn’t make you second-guess your every move.

You Feel Drained, Not Energized

Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with your partner. Do you feel seen and supported—or anxious, small, and worn out?

They Tear You Down Instead of Lifting You Up

Toxic partners often chip away at your self-worth through criticism, comparison, or even “jokes” at your expense. Over time, this can seriously impact your mental health.

You’re Always the One to Blame

If they twist every argument so you’re always at fault, it may be part of a cycle of abuse that leaves you feeling guilty and unsure of yourself.

Control Shows Up as “Care”

Maybe they want to know where you are at all times or insist you don’t need your friends and family—because “you have them now.” Isolation is a major red flag.

Why Do People Choose To Stay In Toxic Relationships?

Here’s the part that’s often misunderstood. There are many valid, complex reasons people stay. Let’s take a look at some of the most common ones:

Trauma Bonds

When a relationship involves intense emotional highs and lows, it can create a deep, addictive connection. You may feel bonded through shared pain, making it hard to imagine life without the person—even if they’re hurting you.

Fear of Being Alone

For some, being alone feels scarier than staying in an abusive relationship. The unknown is terrifying, especially if your identity is wrapped up in the relationship.

Financial Dependence

Leaving isn’t always practical—especially when your partner controls the finances or you rely on their support. This can make you feel trapped, even when you know the relationship is unhealthy.

Hope Things Will Change

Toxic partners often offer just enough love to keep you hoping. You remember the good times and believe that with enough patience or effort, things might go back to how they used to be.

Guilt and Obligation

You might worry about how leaving a toxic relationship will affect your partner or even blame yourself for the way things have turned out.

Is It Worth Staying In Toxic Relationships?

In most cases, no. Not if your safety, peace, or well-being is at risk. A relationship should be a place where you can breathe, grow, and feel safe—not a place where you’re constantly in survival mode.

Of course, only you can make the decision that’s right for you. But ask yourself: If your friend were in the same situation, what would you want for them?

What Happens When You Stay In A Toxic Relationship?

Here’s what can happen over time if nothing changes:

Emotional Burnout

Constant stress, anxiety, and fear can drain your emotional energy and leave you feeling numb or depressed.

Isolation

Toxic partners often push out friends and family, leaving you with little outside support. This can make it harder to see the situation clearly.

Loss of Self

You may start to forget who you were before the relationship—your interests, goals, and sense of self-worth can all start to fade.

Long-Term Health Impacts

The stress of staying in an unhealthy relationship can show up physically—trouble sleeping, headaches, chronic pain, and a weakened immune system.

How To Leave A Toxic Relationship

If you’re ready to take steps toward a healthier relationship with yourself and others, here are some starting points:

Reach Out For Support

Talk to someone you trust. A therapist, a close friend, or even the National Domestic Violence Hotline(1−800−799−7233) can help you explore your options.

Make a Safety Plan

If physical abuse is involved, safety comes first. A plan might include packing an emergency bag, changing passwords, or arranging temporary housing.

Set Boundaries

Even before leaving, you can begin setting small boundaries that prioritize your well-being. This might be limiting contact, saying no to certain demands, or reclaiming time for yourself.

Reconnect With Yourself

Journaling, creative expression, or even spending time with people who remind you of your worth can help rebuild your sense of self.

Take It One Step at a Time

You don’t have to figure it all out overnight. Just taking one small step toward healing is a sign that the relationship no longer controls you.

Leaving is hard—but staying in a harmful situation can cost you so much more in the long run. If you’re still unsure, you might find clarity in this post on when to call it quits in your relationship.

You’re not weak for staying. You’re not broken for struggling. You’re human—and it’s okay to want something better. You deserve a life where love doesn’t come with conditions, fear, or pain.

If you’re considering leaving a toxic relationship, know that support is available. Therapy can be a space where you untangle what’s been keeping you stuck and find your way back to yourself. You’re not alone in this.